bye bye VIVA......

so my VIVA is over...twenty minutes seem so short for me because is just an informal conversation between lecturers...i went in the room that i described as creepy and cold and three lecturers were sitting in front of me, not as horrible as i thought.....they all looked so friendly today...and one of them even made a cold joke.....('.'lll) but this really help released my tension and i didn't felt scared or nervous anymore......i prefer this kind of presentation actually...because you can talk like friends and have discussion about what problems you faced with them...no tension at all....huh...i'm wearing like going for a serious interview but end up just a relax and easy conversation...cool...would it be nice if i knew this earlier...so i won't posted my previous blog and tension whole night loo.....huh...i'm like graduated d...still have two more paper next week.....plan to go clubbing...go shopping...go everywhere and taste all nice food.....huh...lazy me.......

Just uploaded a few new songs from UNGU, Indonesian group ....i think they are cool...a sort of THE CALLING in indon version....hehe...i'm not listening to malay songs because i'm like malay girl...or i'm from kelantan...or because of ' ma lai kong '.....bla bla bla...i just like all kind of musics...and i'm a huge fan for PETERPAN + NIDJI......huhu....maybe i'm half malay lar.....who cares right.......

tell me what to do....

i really have no idea at all how to face my prof. tomorrow...because tomorrow is my VIVA, my thesis presentation...and i dun have a shit to present because is just a terrible mistake at the 1st place....huh...tell me what to do...i dunnu what can i do....i'll be totally screw up tomorrow and no one can safe me....but luckily no one can laugh at me because only the person who present can go in...that's mean only me, my clumsy and irresponsible prof, and my examiner that will shoot me ' kau kau ' in that cold creepy room....where i'll be kill with all that theories and facts that i'll never find out the rest of my life!!!! arghhhhh.....i hate tomorrow..i wish there's no tomorrow in my chapters of life....even worst when i found lots..i mean load of mistakes that will makes me even stupid tomorrow...so nothing i can do...i'll put on my formal wear which i think i looked more smart wearing it..and just walk in the room...try to explain all errors in a more polite ways..i'll hope for the best...because this is not the worst situation...it means i had a more terrible situation before...haha...

During my free time (almost everyday) one of the most enjoyable entertainment (beside clubbing), is to go sing karaoke with my friends....especially ling, laura & kshi....

last wed, we went without any planning...student price mah....from 3 o'clock til 5 we sang non-stop + laugh non-stop + jokes non-stop + drink non-stop + laugh at fat malay girl butt non-stop kua!!!! and then we extend half an hour more in a capsule (where everyone can see and hear your voice, and is in front of the cinema exit).... huh...and we decided to choose ' different type of style' for that day....well, i present you the last song we sang that day.....and laura's the pro that videotaping US....kshi?? sitting beside me and pretend that she dunno the song.... ('.'lll)......

moving again........

i hate moving house but i need to move again.....to Kuantan...but i hope this is not my last move..i don't wanna stay at Kuantan forever!!!!!!!

But.....if...nah....i said if huh....i meet a perfect guy at there....maybe lorr...

these hard times...

my student life is going to end in one month......count properly i had spent almost half of my life in school...and now say goodbye, these days is gone...but i'll keep learning new things in my future off course...as a permanent full time assistant manager...huh...how's my tittle?? i think is really cool and i'll work as hard to maintain my tittle.....

so...matchbox twenty new song " these hard times" is the song i listen to....because the song really describe this moment of my life....should recommend to all my schoolmates too...haha...these hard times has gone....when all we need is another level of our life....should make a big step forward..say goodbye to our student life..no more lecture, assignments, library, tutoring......what we will face in the future will be more challenge.....good luck to all of us...don't feel empty at this moment....

my final paper will be on this tuesday....but i haven't start anything....and i really have no mood, i mean really no mood this time...i really can't memorize, not even finish reading my notes!!! WHY!!!! huh...i don't wanna extend because of my laziness....try hard to start few pages tonight....please lar......study for your last sem wei wei....huh....back to study..bye

i'm the perfect stranger

so...last few months, i met a bunch of gals....really fun and friendly gals through my best friend friends.....huh...laura and kshi IMU friends....they all are course mates...but they are the coolest...i hope i have friends like them at my place....but charlyn is the only gal that i hang out and sleep with....

last week i went dinner and club with laura's friends....what can i say....at first abit shy...because i'm totally stranger in their group, i know nothing about their school, their lecturer, ang their friends bf???? huh....but i really like to know actually....although i'm not student from IMU....at the club...oh...is really really fun...i can't wait for our next visit....but is my last month at kl...after that i'll move to kuantan....huh..i wonder can i meet friends like them at there.......haiz....

so....i'm the stranger that night...but i'm the perfect stranger huh....haha...i hope they really likes me.....bye.....see you guys soon looo...

~Kau begitu sempurna~

Kau begitu sempurna
Di mataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku
akan selalu mengingatmu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan selalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan
Hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku kau begitu....
Sempurna....

Kau genggam tanganku....
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata
Dan hapus semua sesalku

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku kau begitu....
Sempurna....

the day you went away......

Finally i had pass up my thesis draft.....although is just a draft..still i had spent almost my whole semester to publish it....huh...but not much effort from me....i hate doing this kinda "waste paper and ink" project.

When i glance through my draft....i really don't think my thesis and research will contribute any information or reference for the next generation....Basically, what i had done is just to repeat what they had done...yeah the line on the first page was so right, thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of ......... Na they let you know earlier is just a partial fulfillment....low standard and low quality.....so don't mind if the thesis you publish spend the rest of it's life in the reference room cupboard.....and the room is lock....hahaha....cool right.....

My thesis had a load of errors...but who cares? yeah is actually my thesis i'm talking about that went away finally....haha...BYE BYE.....next will be my presentation that i wanna send away too...

....Aku Bukan Untukmu....

A great song by Rossa from Indonesia....

Dahulu kau mencintaiku
Dahulu kau menginginkanku

Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku
Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku

Aku menyesal telah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon maafkan aku

Aku menyesal telah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
Tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya

Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku

internal hernias........what's that???

last Tuesday....i woke up and took a bath, prepare to have along day in front of my laptop because this Friday is my thesis end date......suddenly my dad called....he said...my mom was in the hospital and the doctor said she needs to undergo an immediate major operation.....WHAT?????

i change my clothes in 10 second..get myself ready and rush to the airport.....spent RM260 for air ticket but still have to wait until afternoon for the latest flight......when i reach hospital my mom already in the surgical room...and my dad don't even know the cause and what type of surgery is going to happen my mom.....huh....my heart beat so fast and hard at that moment....i don't have anything to do except to wait and pray for her.....

4 hours later....the doctor came out and tell us my mom was alright....she suffered from a sudden disease called internal hernia....is a very rare case but my mom was lucky because she was sent to the hospital at the right time....huh....thank god!!!

Internal hernia is an uncommon cause of small bowel obstruction. Intestinal obstruction due to internal hernia is very dangerous and lethal because it may be silent or may present as severe acute abdominal pain. we describe a transmesnteric hernia recently came to our department, which was diagnosed on typical intravenous and intraluminal contrast enhanced CT findings followed by CT angiography to characterize the vascular changes.

the sky is still blue.....

i took this picture when i was on a vacation with my family to bukit tinggi....although is not pro enough but i still consider this as a good picture lar because i use my hand phone instead of camera. Sometimes i really don't understand why.....so many question marks is my life.....

Why i need to study all this boring subjects since i doesn't even have chance to relate them in my future work, why i need to do my final year thesis that won't even benefit either me or my juniors, why i need to be so concentrate in my typing even though i have no results for my lab work...why i don't dare to tell the truth that my prof had gave me the wrong info that lead me to the wrong way....as a result...no result at all....why can't i just stop doing all this and start my vacation journey and come back earlier to help my dad in his shop......WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!

huh.......really really tired when i have this kinda stupid question crossing my brain......but i cannot come out with this kinda questions...people will sure have answers and reason to SHOOT me back....because they have brain to think too....that's one of the reason i hate people for sometimes....too smart sometimes....haiz....

So back to this picture...i love it so much because pictures don't ask question...they answer our question...when i looked through the pictures i took long time ago...it made me realize how fast human changed..within a second..u can just loose your friend forever....i didn't mean they dead or disappear, what i mean is the way they treat us or their attitudes..for examples this picture, really calm me down and it says...the sky is still blue although it's raining day.....so you still have the sun if you loose your light....still can feel the warm if you can't find a jac...won't lose anyway because you still have your life.....haha..back to my typing after this..... loL

i surrender......

ahhh!!!! i don't have word to describe my recent feeling....i feel like bumping my head and pengsan until my presentation end....my thesis is a waste.....and both my lecturer and master senior that guide me have different opinion and both of them asking me to follow their way....oh....i don't know what else i can do...i think i'm going to leave all my works behind and go for shopping tonight!! yeah...that's a perfect idea!!! Or maybe go club again although i'm getting boring with dancing.....or i rather sleep and dream of my future pet!!!!

( ' _'lll)

OMG!!!! i have one week leave to prepare for my final year project....and that's it...end of my " school stuff ". Sometimes i try to imagine the day i graduate......erm.....ok...nevermind...i don't care so much anyway because i have had a job before i graduate....a good one i think....yeah i will go back and help my daddy....i know what you guys trying to say.....don't dare to face the real life, daddy's little girl, no ambition.....WHATEVER!!!!

different people with different thought, for me helping my daddy is a great job and i can learn way to survive like everyone else, but the different is i learn it from my dad. i believe he'll teach me as much as he knows to make sure his little girl learn how to live without his guide in the future...and i will appreciate that my whole life......

i am so thankful to know my next step is going to be easier than most other people that have to work and struggle in a new and strange environment.....they will get use to it after a while anyway, but i just skip that part and i should be so thankful........i still can survive like them i believe......hehe

i keep thinking something gonna change........but sometimes love just ain't enough....

I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And i don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But i don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool i keep losing my place
And i keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Now i could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes i may have hurt you
But i did not desert you
Maybe i just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something gonna change

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where i used to lay

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know its your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.

nEar but i am happY.....

Last weekend i went back to my hometown at kelantan to accompany my dearest family to kuantan....my future workplace....well at first all i know is BORING....because i cannot accept the reality that i had reach that state....people called the matured state that you need to earn your own money, experience your live, learn and be responsible with all the steps you have taken....the biggest and huge challenge for me...is to make my own, that's mean no one will ever make decision for me anymore.....for teenager is freedom...for people like me.....is suffer..............

since there's nothing to do during weekend..my mom suggested that we visit bukit tinggi, somewhere near but still need a couple of hours to reach from kuantan....so my brother drove us there and we all decided to stay overnight at there.....

Bukit tinggi...is a place for relaxation...you feel peaceful and really quite at there...they don have a load of entertainment but still have place for you and family to drinks and talk....and performance during night really cheer people up...and you can see small group of live band singing love songs for those couples who spent their holiday at there.....

For us....family conservation is very important....we talk alomost everything...which we haven't do for long time because me and my bro were always far away from them. we took photos, have breakfast, lunch and dinner....everything were so perfect and warm......and i really love to have times with family.

i realize, there's no need to visit a very far or famous place to keep our family together, as long as you have the heart to be with them...every place seems so fun......i am looking forward for the next family trip!!!